I reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
A.)Is the introduction clear and appropriate for the assignment? Yes, though it needs to be edited.
B.)Is it engaging? Not really, but this question IS MY OPINION!
C.)Does it have a thesis? The thesis needs to be a main idea about the factors he mentions throughout the essay and have those factors back up the argument. If the thesis is about clothes then the factors have to support the argument.
B.) For each body paragraph, comment on whether or not the writer focuses on ONE aspect of the photo. Also, provide feedback regarding how effective is the analysis of each aspect.
The writer described three factors throughout the essay: Clothing, Facial features and body language.
In the first paragraph he briefly discussed how the color, size and of clothing determines masculinity, but didn’t include why he believes this to be true. Favorite line: “the child’s suit is navy blue which is the power color of this country that’s why the police and the president wear navy blue, this is a masculine color because it is powerful.”
In the second paragraph the writer states that facial features determine masculinity. Yet, he doesn’t connect it to the underlying argument of why or how it’s socially constructed in terms of gender as the assignment requested.
in the third paragraph he gives more descriptions but again doesn't connect it to the thesis.
D.)Is the conclusion, which should not introduce any new observations about the photo nor a repeat what was stated in the introduction, satisfying?
There is no conclusion because there is not enough content supporting the idea of gender marks created by society.
E.)What is the paper’s biggest strength?
The writer describes in detail what is in the photo.
F.)In your professional opinion, what do you think the writer should improve/add/change in the final draft? Some questions I have: Why do you believe when you state “the boys in the picture have on masculine colors”? Why is blue/navy a power color in our country? What do you conclude is the main reason why its socially constructed? You stated that a common male trait is having messy hair, how does this pertain to gender? Remember, the objective of the assignment was to discuss how or why when looking at the photograph you determine the person(s) to be male. “ Analysis involves close examination of the parts to better understand the whole.” You have the parts: clothing, features and body language now answer this: What does society think about these pronouncing masculinity?
I think part of your first sentence is missing?
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ReplyDeleteI reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
ReplyDeleteA.)Is the introduction clear and appropriate for the assignment?
ReplyDeleteYes, though it needs to be edited.
B.)Is it engaging?
Not really, but this question IS MY OPINION!
C.)Does it have a thesis?
The thesis needs to be a main idea about the factors he mentions throughout the essay and have those factors back up the argument. If the thesis is about clothes then the factors have to support the argument.
B.) For each body paragraph, comment on whether or not the writer focuses on ONE aspect of the photo. Also, provide feedback regarding how effective is the analysis of each aspect.
The writer described three factors throughout the essay: Clothing, Facial features and body language.
In the first paragraph he briefly discussed how the color, size and of clothing determines masculinity, but didn’t include why he believes this to be true. Favorite line: “the child’s suit is navy blue which is the power color of this country that’s why the police and the president wear navy blue, this is a masculine color because it is powerful.”
In the second paragraph the writer states that facial features determine masculinity. Yet, he doesn’t connect it to the underlying argument of why or how it’s socially constructed in terms of gender as the assignment requested.
in the third paragraph he gives more descriptions but again doesn't connect it to the thesis.
D.)Is the conclusion, which should not introduce any new observations about the photo nor a repeat what was stated in the introduction, satisfying?
There is no conclusion because there is not enough content supporting the idea of gender marks created by society.
E.)What is the paper’s biggest strength?
The writer describes in detail what is in the photo.
F.)In your professional opinion, what do you think the writer should improve/add/change in the final draft?
Some questions I have:
Why do you believe when you state “the boys in the picture have on masculine colors”?
Why is blue/navy a power color in our country?
What do you conclude is the main reason why its socially constructed?
You stated that a common male trait is having messy hair, how does this pertain to gender?
Remember, the objective of the assignment was to discuss how or why when looking at the photograph you determine the person(s) to be male.
“ Analysis involves close examination of the parts to better understand the whole.”
You have the parts: clothing, features and body language now answer this: What does society think about these pronouncing masculinity?