As I listened to you reading your first draft of research paper #1, I was struck by the lack of research in your paper. I mentioned this in my comments on your first draft. Also, the very first sentence of your paper is unclear. I hope you'll listen to this recording and as you do, you read your paper. Please pay attention to the instances where you stop in your reading or hesitate.
Clarity: From what I heard, I understood that your paper is about Asian Masculinity. Sometimes you paused, as Miss B mentioned, and sometimes it was hard to understand the statements you were making.
Coherence: The connections that were made are good. But as I mentioned before, it was difficult to understand when the statement ended or what it was about.
This is not blog #9. Blog #9 is an argumentative paragraph on Coltrane based on group work we did in-class on May 4. This is missing from your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs I listened to you reading your first draft of research paper #1, I was struck by the lack of research in your paper. I mentioned this in my comments on your first draft. Also, the very first sentence of your paper is unclear. I hope you'll listen to this recording and as you do, you read your paper. Please pay attention to the instances where you stop in your reading or hesitate.
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ReplyDeleteClarity: From what I heard, I understood that your paper is about Asian Masculinity. Sometimes you paused, as Miss B mentioned, and sometimes it was hard to understand the statements you were making.
ReplyDeleteCoherence: The connections that were made are good. But as I mentioned before, it was difficult to understand when the statement ended or what it was about.